Must be Doing Too Much

I am totally uninspired tonight.  Friday nights are usually big writing nights for me, but either the work week has sucked the life right out of me or maybe I'm just fried in general.  I tried working on the UC outtake (a little over half way done), which should be relativaly easy, but even that wouldn't come.

So...what do I do?  You know what I do, don't cha?  If you've been paying attention at all, when I get a little writer's block, I go write something new.  I'm a total idiot.  Worse than Doofus.  And because I'm a wee bit miffed about certain topics that should have been dead and buried by now, but just won't die, I'm writing a BDSM fic.  It might just end up as an o/s.  Who knows.  Maybe multi-chapter EPOV with a shitload of sex in it. 

I'm not going to post anything any time soon, but maybe this will go somewhere eventually.  Or not.  Maybe it will suck and I'll just pitch it.  If I can do it as an o/s I will, but I doubt it.  I don't know - I just wanted to vent.  LOL


Teaser Tuesday! Fearfully Rage

I am working on an EPOV outtake for Fandom Fights Tsunmai.  Click on the link for information on how to donate to get the entire compilation, which will include this piece.  I don't have anything to do with the compiliation or donations - I'm just a contributing writer.  If you have questions, please direct them to the Fandom Fights Tsunami site.

The outtake is a portion of Unexpected Circumstances chapter 18, and it's titled Fearfully Rage.  Here's a little teaser for it.  If you recall from the original chapter, Edward has just lost the jousting tournament to Sir Riley, and he's not int he very best of moods.  Isabella goes to him to see if he is all right.

God in Heaven…no.

My wife approached.

My beautiful, innocent wife.

Every time I looked at her, I wanted to drop to my knees.  I wanted to worship every inch of her body with my hands and my mouth.  I wanted to hold her against me and give her anything and everything she could possibly desire.  I wanted to run my hands through her think, lustrous hair and taste the skin of her neck.   She had exceeded every expectation I may have had for a wife and brought along with her traits I had not even considered long enough to desire.  I had already come to want her at my side at all times, and not just in my bed at night.  I wanted to be near her – to hear her laugh and speak my name – nearly every waking moment of the day.

But not now.

I could only barely focus enough to understand where I was and who was approaching me.  Had it been anyone else – anyone – and I may not have even bothered to give warning before an attack.

“Get away from me!” I screamed at her…my Isabella…my beautiful wife...and it pained my heart to speak to her in such a way.  But if she did not get away from me and quickly, I did not know what I might do.  The thought was enough to bring me just a little further away from the dark, enclosed space in my head.
Now go and donate!  You know you want it, and your donation is going towards an extremely worthy cause.


What's with all that crap in your stories?

OK - that's not how RaumTweet actually asked, but that's kind of what it comes down to.  Here's the actual question:

RaumTweet: "I've noticed that you have a leitmotiv in your stories: your chapter titles have a same structure (eg, Hide&Drink, with 2 verbs) or UC w/ verb+adverb), a sentence that marks the end of every chapter and another sentence, at the start of the chapter, that I call "miniteaser", but that often seems to be something that elicits many questions that are going to be answered by the complete chapter. Could you explain why do you choose to do so, how do you choose the sentences and so on?"

First off, that fact that someone actually noticed every Unexpected Circumstances chapter title is adverb+verb really kind of thrills me to death.  I spend an absolute ton of time coming up with the chapter titles and chapter ending lines for everything I post, and it's good to know tht effort is not wasted. :)

I'm a public speaker, and in a speech it's really important to get the audience's attention as soon as possible, and then keep their attention throughout your speech.  Writing stories in a "chapter by chapter" format is kind of the same as having a whole bunch of little speeches.  There are a lot of ways to get and keep people's attention, but the one I evoke in writing stories is to keep a set theme throughout.  That's where all the crap comes in.  No, I'm not really making fun of it and I'm not insulting myself.  I mean it as being the small stuff - the things that people probably don't even realize are impacting them.  My "themes" come in three parts:

1. Chapter titles
2. "Miniteasers" - I never really had a name for them, but this fits pretty well.
3. Chapter end lines

Having these three elements in each chapter I write (regardless of the story) wraps everything up in a nice, complete little box.  People know when it starts, they know when it ends, and there is a certain level of comfort for the reader in the familiarity.  If the readers feel relaxed and comfortable, they are more likely to keep up with the new chapters and maybe read my other stories as well - seeing similar elements in each of them.  I also hope it helps my work stand out a little from other writers and other stories.

As far as how I choose the chapter titles - well, I start a story with a particular theme (Verb and Verb for Hide & Drink, a four letter word for Surviving Bella (because Edward had a LOT of four letter words in that story), Adverb and verb for Unexpected Circumstances) and try to stick with it throughout.  Sometimes it gets a little difficult, so I at least attempt to make it a clear-cut enough theme that I can come up with a decent chapter title for each one.  Sometimes it's difficult!  There were some really BAD potential H&D chapter titles."Flame and Tame" was the possible title for chapter 25 of H&D (Churn and Burn).  Actually...now I'm not so sure they weren't both pretty bad.  LOL  CBWR? doesn't have any chapter titles because I knew I would be posting frequently, and I'll sometimes spend the better part of a week coming up with the right chapter title.

Chapter end lines - usually I have these figured out about half way through a chapter.  It's basically what the character has experienced during that chapter - what they've learned, what significant event took place, or how big of an idiot they are.  Once the character gets to that point, I know the chapter is done. :)

The miniteasers are, honestly, an afterthought.  I just go pick a short line that sums up a pretty major part of the chapter or one that I think will make the reader go "holy crow" and not be able to stop reading until they at least get to that line.

So there it is in a nutshell - the reason why I have all that crap in my stories.  I hope to get your attention, keep your attention, and have you coming back for more.

Is it working?


If anyone has any similar kinds of questions, feel free to ask!  I'd be happy to answer any of them that don't give away plot for a current story. :)


Happy Easter!

If you celebrate it, I hope you have a wonderful Easter!

A couple new CBWR? chapters have posted today.  There might be one more...it depends on how much help I get with laundry. :)  The tone is going to change a bit, and the reason it's romance/angst will come forth.  It's not really too close to done just yet - there's still a l lot to do.  Stop by the Twilighted Thread and let me know what you think!

Glad everyone seemed to like the new UC Chapter, Chapter 20 - "Reluctantly Wager."  There was a lot packed into it.  I'm going to see how far I can get on the outtake for Fandom Fights Tsunami today.  I got a bit done yesterday on that one.  It's coming along nicely. :)

Going to get a few chores done, then back to writing.  Have a wonderful day!


Saturday Again!

And on to the daily chore list, which I might have done sometime in the next two weeks.

If you didn't see it - there is a interview with me about CBWR? on So You Think You Can Write.  Check it out here!

CBWR? page here on the blog has been updated.  I like it better, at least. :)  Let me know what your thoughts are.  It also links to the new CBWR? blog where I'll be posting the remainder of the story.  I should have at least a couple of updates this weekend.

Unexpected Circumstances Chapter 20 is with the beta, and as soon as I get it back I'll at least attempt to post it on FFN.  I have no idea if I'm still "banned" from updating or not.  I'll find out when I try to post it.

Also working on the UC Outtake for Fandom Fights Tsunami.  It will be from Sir Edward's point of view, and covered portions of Chapter 18.  I hope to get it done sometime this weekend.  Fingers Crossed.



As If I Wasn't Behind Already...

For me, writing is very much a process. I have to be inside the head of the person I'm writing, and that can take a bit of concentration. Aside from having three fics going at once (UC, CBWR? and UC Outtake), the other stuff going on has taken its toll on me personally as well. It has made the process of writing very difficult for me, and I've definitely slowed down. Also, the other stuff is taking up my valuable writing time. I'm spending way too much time responding to PMs, various CBWR threads and emails, which I'm going to stop doing for a while. I do want to keep you all updated, though.

1. Unexpected Circumstances, Chapter 20. It's maybe half way done. It's also very long, so hopefully it will be worth it when it comes out. I'm currently targeting this Friday, assuming I can post again by then. I'm not going to create a blog for it, or post any of it here. UC in general is going to have to move to every-other-week until I can everything back in order. Please be patient! :)

2. CBWR? - I'm going to try to add a chapter a day, when I can. I won't promise to do so every day, though. Thanks to Vicki who had the chapter end notes for the rest of the chapters posted!

3. Blog updates - I know the email subscription thing isn't working on the Could Be Worse, Right? blog. I'll try to fix it, but I have no idea what I'm doing. LOL Let me know if you see any other problems.

Thanks all!


Car works!

Back home now with a car that runs. Pep Boys guys in Columbus were awesome. I have a lovely bottle of what is definitely NOT gasoline that came out of my fuel tank. Now it's just a matter of going after the gas station. Sigh... For those who asked for details, simply put, I paid for 87 octane gas, used the correct pump, pushed the correct button, but what came out was kerosene, not gasoline. I can only assume someone filled up the wrong tank with the stuff. I'll be contacting the station and an attorney tomorrow to get it all sorted out.

Sorry I really haven't made any progress on...well...anything. I'm going to try and respond to those who have sent me messages on FFN and at least point them to the new home of Could Be Worse, Right? Hopefully I will have some time tomorrow to get the remaining chapters posted. I'll get a few up tonight, but not all. HUGE HUGE HUGE thank you to Ashley, who had all the way up to chapter 42 including the author's notes, which I didn't have, and missing chapter 8. THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH!!!! :) I know some writers don't care to have their work downloaded, but it never bothered me and I'm very grateful someone had this for me.

I have sent an appeal to FFN, but don't expect to hear back from them very quickly. I'll give them a week before I start asking again. Many have asked if they can help, and if you would like to send a polite message to support@fanfiction.com asking them to reevaluate the decision to pull the story, that might help.

As soon as I get the CBWR blog all updated with the current chapters, I will start posting more. Still hoping to get UC chapter out as well as soon as I am able to upload to FFN again.

Thanks again for everyone's kind words and support!


Could Be Worse, Right? Pulled From FFN

As you may very well have heard or discovered, CBWR? has been pulled from FanFiction.net. I received a fairly generic message from FFN that is had been pulled because it violated the explicit content guidelines. I do not believe it has, and plan to appeal, if I can figure out just how to do that. :)

Since my story has been reported for abuse of the guidelines, my posting privileges at FFN have been revoked. I can't post anything right now, and they did not indicate when I would be allowed to again.

In the meantime, don't panic. I have no intentions of abandoning the story, and will find it a new home as quickly as possible. I'm not sure exactly where yet, but as soon as I know I will get the word out.

I have probably gotten about 500 messages today, and there is no way I'm going to get to them all. Please feel free to pass the word along in any forum threads and such - this story isn't dead, I didn't take it down, and it will be resurrected somewhere. As soon as it is, I'll post links here, on twitter, on my FFN profile, the twilighted forum, etc.

Unexpected Circumstances - I planned on finishing the chapter today, but with the FFN/CBWR fiasco along with my car being filled up with kerosene instead of gasoline (yeah - really), my day was pretty much shot. I have no idea when or where I will post anything at this point, so please be patient. I will do what I can when I can do it - promise! :)

Thanks for all the messages, supportive tweets and such. You don't know how much it helps when your day has gone to shit to hear people are thinking about you. :) THANK YOU ALL!!

Busy Sunday!

Another day, another set of goals I won't get done until the end of the week! Ha! Ah well...

I did make some decent progress on UC yesterday, despite various things working against me. Today is birthday celebrations. Why is it so nerve wracking to have your whole family over at your house? I better go do the dishes and pick up the dog toys from around the living room...

Froze my ass off in the cold rain at the Columbus Crew game last night, but SOOO worth it to watch KC go down in a 1-0 game. I loves my Crew!! I think my thighs are still frozen, though.

I'm Hoping to get at least one CBWR? chapter out today, but can't promise anything. I have to haul my son up to his soccer game (2 hours away), then come back for family time with the birthday boys. I may have time to write some between games, but posting may have to wait until late tonight.

Hope everyone has a beautiful Palm Sunday!


Maybe I should call them "weekly goals"

Hmmm...shall I go with this whole "goal list" thing again today, considering I just went and picked up last week's dry cleaning this morning? Hmmm...let's give it a try and see what happens, right?

1. Wrap up Dad's birthday present (Got my Dad a bottle of Makers 46 - Doofusward would be proud!)
2. Get going on UC EPOV for Fandom Fights Tsunami (I have started this...I'm gonna have to come up with a decent title)
3. Finish UC Chapter 20 (Still got a ways to go...but should have a couple of hours to devote while in the car this afternoon) - I hope to finish it this weekend and maybe post Monday or Tuesday.

What are my chances? I guess I could go wrap up that bottle now...

Hope everyone has a great weekend!


General Update

If my kids read that subject title, they would salute me and repeat "General Update!" Weird kids. I wonder where they get that?

Working hard on Unexpected Circumstances chapter 20. It may be a long one! Lots of stuff to happen in there, and of course I can't forget the smut. ;) It's not going to be ready tomorrow, but hopefully it will post Sunday or Monday.

And in case you missed it, I will be doing an Unexpected Circumstances Outtake from EPOV for Fandoms Fight Tsunami. Follow the link to the website and donate $10 today to get your copy, as well as stories for a TON of amazing writers!

Work is still extremely busy, but better than it has been the last few weeks. Thanks to those who have inquired about my health. :) But really, I do those kinds of hours pretty frequently - I don't think my body even notices anymore. HA!


Teaser Tuesday - UC Chapter 20

Can you believe it? 20 chapters for Unexpected Circumstances already? I hope the chapter will be ready for beta at least by Friday, which would mean it will post sometime this weekend. It's getting close, at least.

In the meantime, here's a nice smutty teaser for ya...enjoy!

I had never felt so wanton as my hand brushed over the light hair on his stomach, trailing my fingers lower until they reached the top of his sleeping trousers. I knew something was a little different, for usually when I reached for him, I could feel the end of his flesh at the top of his trousers, yet it was not there. I glanced towards his face, but he remained still in sleep, so I slipped my fingers underneath the cloth and reached farther down.

When my hand discovered his male flesh, I was surprised at how soft and pliable it was, and how easily my fingers could reach around it. When he still did not stir, I ran my fingers from the tip down to the base, back again, and then wrapped them all the way around.

Though the rest of my husband’s body did not awaken, this part of him did. I could feel it twitch and grow in my palm as I stroked him as he had showed me how in the meadow. Soon I could no longer reach all the way around with my fingers as his flesh grew and pulsed in my hand.

With a low moan, Edward’s hips bucked up against me, and his arm grasped at my shoulders.

“Isabella!” his sleepy voice exclaimed. “Wha…what are you…oh…God…”

Sir Eddie has created a monster. :)


I would post, but...

....FFN is down again. *sigh*

I'll have a chapter or two of CBWR? ready when it comes back up. Chapter 37 is ready, and chapter 38 is close. UC Chapter 20 is also coming along nicely, and I should have a good, juicy teaser ready to post tomorrow.

I'm not going to post any more chapters on the blog, sorry. I know people would like it, but I only have a very limited amount of space on here, so it is what it is. I posted up the one chapter because I felt bad about everyone getting an email notification from FFN but no one could read it. Hopefully, FFN will get its issues worked out today.

Work has calmed down slightly, at least. That's about all I can say.

Hope everyone has a great week!


Could Be Worse, Right? Chapter 36

Huzzah! FFN is working again!

Chapter 36 just posted over on FFN. Here is the gorgeous banner made by Melanie, which inspired me on the wedding attire. :)

CBWR? Chapter 34

As I'm sure most have noticed, FFN has been having some issues since yesterday. Instead of keeping you waiting, I'm going to post CBWR? Chapter 34 here on the blog today. I'm only going to do this for this chapter - the others will have to wait until FFN is working again so I can post them.

Give me a while, because I'm going to create it on it's own page, but it should be up at some point this morning.

Thanks a lot for being patient and hanging in there!

Update - read chapter 34 here.



So, is it a better idea to post my daily goals for everyone to see how I've failed at them, in the hopes that I learn something from the more public display of my failure, or do I never post any goals up again?

So...today's goals. Totally different goals from yesterday's goals.

1. Finish taxes (I'm SOOOO close!)
2. Pick up the dry cleaning
3. Post a chapter of CBWR?


My specialty...

The Pomegranate Martini.

Is it not a thing of beauty? :)

2 oz Grey Goose
1.5 oz Pomegranate Juice
Splash Cointreau

Shake with Ice

Serve it in a pretty glass...i think that makes all the difference.


Thank God It's Friday!!!

And I am NOT at work! Woo hoo!! Yeah, after working 16-18 hour days all week, the boss threw me out of the building about midnight last night and told me not to come back today. So I have the day (relatively) to myself. It's raining, so any yard work I might have done is out of the question. The kids are on spring break - no school this week - but I have a huge list of chores for them, so they should be avoiding me like the plague. LOL

What does this mean to you? Well, here's my goal list for the day (in no particular order):

1. Finish taxes (I'm SOOOO close!)
2. Pick up the dry cleaning
3. Post at least 3 chapters of CBWR?

So, there ya go. Watch your tweets and emails and whatever. I should have the first one out before noon EDT.

Happy (almost) weekend!!!


Teaser Tuesday!

Okay, as someone pointed out to me, it is technically Teaser Tuesday. Even though you already got a teaser for the next UC chapter, I thought I'd give you just a little bit more. :) Chapter 19 is off in the betas hands, and will likely post Thursday or Friday.

It's just a little one, but I thought it was sweet. :)


His eyes met mine, and all the complex emotions displayed in them before – anger, frustration, worry – were gone. There only appeared to be content left in his dark green irises. Edward reached up and took my face between his hands, angling my head towards his.

“You are precious to me,” he whispered. His eyes were dark again – intense, but not with anger or need. I wondered what it meant when he eyes turned that shade of green.


Twin updates!

Ok - two more chapters of CBWR? posted this evening. Enjoy! Edward's finally getting it, I think. Probably understanding more than he ever wanted to. How ya gonna get yourself out of this one, Doofusward?

UC chapter is nearing completion, so I hope to get it off to beta tonight. We'll see. But first, game night with the kiddies!


How Many Licks Does it Take... UC vs. CBWR

Or, how many hours does it take to write a chapter of a story? Some people have been concerned I'm not putting as much effort into UC (which, lets face it, is a far better story than CBWR). Really, this all comes does to time in my life and math.

Time and effort into a chapter:

UC - average, 15-20 hours to write. This is for 5000-8000 words. Once done, I re-read and edit three times (add 2-4 hours). Then it goes through beta (may be 2-3 days before I get it back, sometimes quicker, sometimes longer). Then I edit it again. Then I read it all again, sometimes twice. Add another 1-2 hours. Total time, not including beta - 18- 26 hours.

CBWR? - average, 30-45 minutes to write. Sometimes less. 500-1200 words. One read-through when it's done. No beta. Total time - 1 hour. Maybe.

So, if you wonder how I can get 5-6 chapters of CBWR? posted and none of UC, that's the crux of the answer. As I may have mentioned, I've been at work pretty much constantly this week. 60-70 hours, I haven't really counted since I don't get overtime. I normally work 50-60.

So - see where my writing time went this week? Straight to work. :)

I have been writing CBWR in between conference calls and system validation because it is just an exercise for me, the plot is straight forward, the characters are only mildly developed, and I don't have to concentrate like I do for UC. It shows, too. As a couple people have pointed out, CBWR is no where near my best work. Compared to SB or UC? CBWR sucks, big time. LOL

UC has an insanely complicated plot, with all kinds of intricacies that I have to concentrate on when I'm writing so I don't screw it up and have to re-write a bunch of stuff ten chapters later. The characters are far more developed with a lot more involvement with each other. Remember how someone ended up creating a family tree page just to keep everyone straight? And those were only the people who are related to each other! The more UC I write, the more I think it's going to end up being 50 chapters or more as well. I also write UC WAY in advance. Yesterday, aside from doing 4-5 hours on chapter 19, I also wrote a good chunk of what will probably be in chapter 23 or 24.

So again - don't panic about UC. I am working on it FAR MORE than I am working on CBWR, you just don't see it right away. I've missed one or two weeks of updates out of the last 16, including holidays and when I've been on vacation. It is by no means an after thought.

Thanks for supporting all of my endeavors. I'm really glad to know people are so into UC that they are worried about it - that makes it worth all the hours I put into it. Now relax, enjoy the rest of your weekend, and hang in there. Hopefully work calms down this week. :)


Teaser four days after Tuesday!

Ah well, I know - I didn't get a teaser up this week. Like I said - real life and all. I am making some progress on chapter 19 today! I don't know when it will be done, but I at least have a teaser for ya! Stop on by the Twilighted Forum for this story afterwords and say hi!



“Now you understand the difference?” Edward raised his hand up in the air as if to make his point to the skies, or at least the roof of the barn. “Had she been his paid servant, I would have no issue taking him to the stocks. But she is a slave, and she is his property. He is free to use her as he sees fit.”

“Edward…that is…is…”

“I know, Isabella,” he said, his voice softening. He took a deep breath as he reached out and took me in his arms. “Do you not believe I would act on this if I could? But she is only a slave, and he is of royal blood from the kingdom next door to Forks. Even if she was a hired servant, I could not have punished him harshly. But she is his slave, and he has done nothing wrong.”

“Nothing wrong,” I echoed.

“Isabella, please…”

“Please what?” I asked quietly.

“You must understand she has no more rights than if he had brought a lamb with him to slaughter for the feast. Do you think I could tell him not to slaughter his own lamb? Do you think I could punish him for eating it?”

My eyes dropped to the ground, and I felt a single tear as it escaped from my eyes and fell across my cheek. I heard rapid footsteps, and Alice was suddenly with us.

“Edward, do not be angry with Isabella,” Alice said as she came up. “It was entirely my fault. I did not know Lady Whitlock would want to chat, and I can hardly walk away from my future mother-in-law. Isabella was only alone for the shortest of times, but still it was my fault, not hers.”

Edward froze for a moment, his eyes going wide as he looked first to his sister and then to me. I watched the realization come over him, and his confusion turned into the tyrant’s black rage.

“You…you were here…with them? ALONE?” As Edward roared out the last word both Alice and I took an involuntary step backwards. “While they were…were…”


Yeah...that ain't gonna be pretty...

A Voice In the Darkness Rec

A couple of people recommended A Voice in the Darkness to me by Katinki. I highly suggest reading it. It's not nice. It's not HEA. It's a big ole bucket of ice water tossed on you at 3:00am. I loved it. As opposed to writing all of this over again, I'm just going to copy-paste my review (which does included ending spoiler).

This was simply fantastic. So glad to see something out of the ordinary in the FF world. It was gritty, raw, well written and not overly concerned with a lot of pointless description. It’s a big a slap in the face, which people need a lot of the time. Honestly, if I was going to offer a suggestion, I think you could have been more graphic, though it is fine how it is. The ending was absolutely perfect – everything from her thoughts to his reaction. Of course he assumed she would shoot him – it’s all about him, isn’t it?

I don't know what inspired this. I avoid drama like the plague. I’m too old for that shit. Some people said this was in response to something I’m writing – no idea if that is true or not. Doesn’t matter. If it is, I’m glad started that fic, because if someone’s misapprehensions (had to get one of SMs big words in there – ha) regarding what my story is about, ended up encouraging you to write and post this, I’ve done far more than I ever expected to do with my fic - through you.

Thanks for writing this. Thanks for painting something so beautifully ugly. I’ll be pimping the hell out of it.